Defining your role...

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

It's nice to know that there are other moms and families experiencing the same struggles that Elizabeth and I are experiencing at times. This little world of Pass It On, Baby! is so important to us but sometimes life just truly gets in the way of giving it even more. We have allowed it to be what it is for the time being and hope to continue to help and support as many families as humanly possible for two crazy busy moms! :)

One thing that my husband and I have been struggling with the past few weeks since I have been freelancing full time is defining our roles. Now to some that may seem crazy and to others right on point but when I've been home more, my role was more or less to care for our son Cade, work part-time and do a majority of the cleaning and shopping. Now that I am unable to take on that role, we notice that aspects of our life are suffering. The clean home, the prepared (or stocked) food, a scheduled child, and so on. We have noticed that our roles have had to change.

I am not one to say that a woman's place is in the home but I will say that my husband and I have to designate our roles better. I see families that I envy where one parent knows that their job is the kids, the house, the home manager and the other knows their role is to provide an income. Although one isn't easier than the other and they both can be difficult in their own way, I must say there is some comfort or stability in knowing what role you are to play.

My husband works from home so he is now finding (even for this short period) he must re-define his role in this family, this home, our life in order to keep us sane. No longer are the days that our house is spic and span or food is fully stocked or meals are already planned. He is now taking on that role. And in the meantime, I am having to learn how to re-define mine. Learning how to let go of some of those things and be the breadwinner so-to-speak for these few weeks.

And when this freelance is over - we will once again - need to redefine our roles in order to make sure that our lives run as smoothly as it can and all of our needs are met to the best of our ability. I must say I do not envy the single parent families who must play all roles. It's difficult enough for me to play one or the other. I can't imagine the constant juggle and have much respect and compassion for those who must do so.

I am enjoying this shift in my role. It's allowing me to not only appreciate what I do have and what I am normally handling on a day to day but it also is allowing me to see my strengths. It is a reminder that I do have the skills to be successful and continue that if I choose. It's nice to see daddy handling some of those things mommy used to do and my son is gaining a new bond with him that he may not have had otherwise. Our roles in our family are important. Even if they don't seem so to you. Sometimes it just helps to define your role so you can accept and fulfill.

Have a wonderful day and Pass It On!

In love and kindness,

Email Elizabeth and Heather

Tales of a Worn-Down Mom

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

I LOVE that Heather and I get to handle Pass It On, Baby! on a daily basis. It gives us something that is only about helping others and completely allows us to step outside of ourselves, our families, our struggles and give back. But what happens to each of us when you give, give, give and have nothing for yourself? I think this will ring true for many of us mothers out there. I can tell you my story, but like everyone, let's suffice it to say we are busy. There are five of them, activities for each, all sorts of stuff we are involved in. Most of the time, I think that's great. I enjoy it! But, lately, I've been feeling each activity wear on me. The pressure of play dates, appointments, parties, training for a marathon....well, I've been feeling overwhelmed. Feeling like I am doing a pretty poor direction in every arena I turn....from keeping house, to remembering birthdays, writing thank you's, laundry - goodness, the list can go on and on. It wears on my self-esteem and I find myself wondering how everyone else seemingly keeps it all together. Heck, there are many days that just getting in the shower is a fete! :)

But here's the truth.....EVERYONE feels this way at one time or another. Your complaints may not mirror mine, but you get it. We all do. The problem is, once you get it, what do you do? If you keep avoiding the issues, do they go away? I can tell you they don't. Just like any situation in the world, if you don't meet them head on, they'll be there tomorrow and the next day and so on.

As moms, wives, friends, you-name-it, we give. We give to kids, to our significant others, to our extended families, to the schools....but what time is carved out for us? In the past, I've struggled with taking time away from my family because I feel guilty. Being a mom is what I do, so it seemed counterintuitive to take a break from who I am. But recently, I sat down and realized that being a mom may be who I am now, but there was a before that still exists inside me and needs caring for also.

My kids love to go to the park and play, it makes them feel alive and happy. We can all agree that that's great to nurture their little needs and spirits like that. It's when we turn that philosophy on ourselves that we can see how necessary it is for us as adults. When my kiddos don't get to go outside and run some energy down, play with other kids, they get stir crazy. They start misbehaving in the house, they are irritable, and they start to quarrel amongst themselves. Gosh that sounds familiar. When I haven't taken care of myself, I start to get irritable too! I start raising my voice to my kids more often, I feel confined and I find myself irritated at the smallest incidents. Funny how the logic of it all didn't hit me before.

Until very recently, I hadn't put much thought in to how to reenergize myself. At the end of the night after kids were in bed, lunches made, uniforms set out, I was just then starting a whole clean up cycle with laundry and prep for the next day. When all of that was finished, I was turning on some mindless tv just to veg out with my husband. The problem? Because there was no thought process involved, there was no real caring for my spirit, just kind of distracting it. Sometimes, we'd add a glass of wine in to the "relaxation" but still, the next morning as I was making breakfast, I could feel the exhaustion and the lack of energy about being home. That was leading to huge thoughts of failure and what was wrong with me? Here I am home with my kiddos and I'm mindlessly going through the day from one task to another and so on.....instead of enjoying the life I lead. Now I stop here and say I am BETTING that I am not the only one here. Many of us feel the same way from time to time. It's no secret, life is busy and most of us have many obligations and a lot less time for ourselves than what we used to. But the same way that you meet obstacles with your children, with your spouse, with finances - head on -- with a plan, several discussions, whatever - you need to meet caring for yourself in the exact same way.

What did I do? Well, it's hard for me to ask for help. To tell my husband that I really thought I was struggling everywhere and wasn't sure what to do about it. Then I talked to my family and shared how I felt. And you know what, it started to feel a little better as everyone kept saying, "We've ALL been there at one time or another!" And people started coming up with options. There were a few things that happened. First, it was so important to hear that people care. When you feel like you are drowning and you know you do have people to offer a hand - it helps. But in the end, I had to sit down and take a really hard look at myself. I had to look at my schedule and say to myself, "This schedule might not be more than others can handle, but it is more than I can handle." My husband and I also talked about what made us feel re-energized and how to carve out time for each of us in that manner. I had to ask for help where I needed it - whether from my kids, or whomever. We planned date nights, we talked about expectations and cut things out of our schedule. We started saying no to social obligations that overwhelmed instead of re-energized us. In some way, we took back control. We got back to basics.

So - I'm better. I'm taking things a little slower right now and actually making sure that I am present in each moment with the kids instead of just going through the motions. It's a work in progress as we all are, right? But again, I'm not the only one.

If you are like me and want to give back, but sometimes feel like there is nothing for yourself - you know, there is nothing wrong with calling a time out and getting yourself back together. Taking an hour to read instead of doing the laundry. Heading out for a solo shopping trip or a walk or a dinner with friends. Play some music and take a long bath. We need that. We can't take care of others when we aren't caring for ourselves. And likewise, if my children got older and had kids of their own and felt that they had to sacrifice themselves completely for their children - I would feel like I failed. I would feel like I never taught them that you had a two-folded responsibility...one to yourself, another to your kids.

So - its GREAT and IMPORTANT to be kind. Just remember that you need to be kind to yourself before you can be any help to anyone else.

In love and kindness,


Email Elizabeth & Heather

The Right Perspective

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

Today I was watching my favorite TV preacher, Joel Osteen, and he gave such an inspirational message for me that I really thought that everyone could benefit from such a message. It was all about having the "Right Perspective" in life.

Sometimes it becomes a little too easy for us as people to focus on the obstacles or challenges we may be facing or the things in life that we don't have. It can be easy to take for granted what we do have like our family, friends, job, opportunity, our health. We really need to start practicing to appreciate the gift of today. The reason we don't is because our perspective is off. If you were to put two people in the same situation or the same circumstances - one would be just getting through by enduring but another would be enjoying. The only difference between the two people is perspective. It's all in how they choose to see the situation.

Don't let the obstacles of today take away your bliss. Don't let the focus on the things you don't have to take away your joy. It's truly a choice in perspective. The foundation for a happy life is having a grateful spirit. The seeds of discouragement can not take root in a grateful heart. If you are feeling discouraged, or not happy with what is going on in life the solution is to start feeling grateful and to focus on the things that you do have - not what you don't have. Even if it's a lost job, lost relationship, ill health, etc. - it's all a matter of perspective.

There was a story about a man who complained about not having any shoes til he met a man that didn't have any feet. After that, his perspective changed. He decided that maybe it wasn't so bad not to have shoes. The truth of the matter is that somebody would LOVE to have your life! You have a roof over your head, you have food to eat, you have a job, you have your health, you have AC in your home, you have more than so many others! Be thankful for what you do have. Because so many others have less than you.

If you need to spark a grateful spirit - make a list of at least a dozen things that you are grateful for and put it somewhere you will look at it several times a day. When did something work out for you when you were sure it would not, when were you at the right place at the right time, when were you protected from an accident or bad situation, do you have healthy children, the ability to see or hear or think or move. When you have the right perspective, you release a sense of faith and a knowing that everything will work out.

If your perspective is off and you need to get an enthusiasm back for life - even amongst the mundane life routines - being thankful will spark a new happiness. It's all in your mind. Your life will follow your thoughts. Life is precious and fragile - it can easily be gone in a blink of an eye. Let's not waste any part of this gift of today or any other day being negative. When the obstacles come, re-read your list and shift your focus back to being grateful.

I don't HAVE to go to work - I GET to go to work. I don't HAVE to take care of these kids - I GET to take care of these kids. When tough times arrive and linger - remember this too shall pass. Atleast I am still alive. If you have your health, you have something that some people would pay billions of dollars for. Appreciate the simple things. I can dress myself, I can feed myself, I can see, taste, smell, touch. I can walk, I can work, I can breathe.

If you are having trouble sleeping - remember those who don't even have a bed.
If you are stuck in traffic - remember those who don't have a car.
If you are having a bad day at the office - remember those who don't have a job.
If your hair is turning gray - appreciate that you have hair. :)

If you are having a difficult time finding things to appreciate - think about the following:
1 million people per week die - you are still alive.
If you have a roof over your head - you are better off than 75% of the world's population.
If you have $15 - you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthiest people.

I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends. For the taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed. For the clothes that fit a little to snug becuase it means I have enough to eat. For my shadow who watches me at work because it means that I am out in the sunshine. For the lawn that needs mowing, the windows that need cleaning, the gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home. For all the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have freedom of speech. For the space I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means that I am capable of walking. For the huge heating bill because it means I am warm. For the lady behind me in church, who sings off key, because it means that I can hear. For the piles of laundry and ironing because it means that I have clothes to wear. For the aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I'm alive.

It's all a matter of perspective - all in how we choose to see our experience, our life. How will you choose to see your day today? Hopefully with the right perspective. We all have something to be thankful for even amidst difficult times.

In love and kindness,

Email Elizabeth and Heather

"I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends"

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

Like everyone, there are times when you begin questioning where you are headed. Does what Heather and I do make a difference? Does it make enough of a difference? Are we crazy to think we were going to be able to manage this on top of our families and all our other responsibilities ? Because, at times, I lose focus. Sometimes I worry about helping enough people....sometimes I worry about sustaining it all. Sometimes I simply feel selfish and self-pitying and well, you get the idea....

So lately, I've been that way. Having a pity party for one...feeling bad about how little time there is to get everything done....(can you hear the tantrum, now?) and just going through the motions without getting myself centered and remembering what this is all about. But, I'm lucky in that there is something bigger than me that is letting me know that this is what I am supposed to be doing. To be putting something out in the world, to be bettering myself along the way and learning a lot about the person who I want to be when all is said and done. So when I lose focus, when I start attending the daily pity party, something happens to let me know that I am where I am supposed to be. Today, that something is this article....and the reflections I had when thinking about the people in my life who bless it everyday. Sometimes, we all "get by with a little help from our friends."

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=114394 - take a minute to read it. It speaks to the power of acts of kindness and the fact that with each one that we are influencing our world, our future....pretty powerful stuff.

I think it's true....something like an act of kindness can change you. I've been going through something similar with a friend of mine. I only met her about six months ago but we have little girls the same age and have many of the same interests. We've spent some significant time together with our girls activities, with running together, etc. We became close pretty quick. Now, I've always looked at myself as a good friend, but she is the type of person that by her actions makes me want to be a better friend. When she is out at the grocery store, if she thinks I might like something, she picks it up. If she is making something for her daughter and thinks my daughter might look cute in it, she makes a second one. If I mention that I am losing focus in training for my marathon, she offers to come and run with me. If she knows that I am stressed on any particular day, she'll offer to watch the kids so I can get myself together. Now, I have a few amazing friends. My bestie will help me with anything (she basically helps me throw every kids party I have back home) and we have the luxury of having known each other for fifteen plus years, but unfortunately, living far apart, we don't get to see each other and talk on a daily basis. My new friend has taught me how to be a good friend on a daily basis.

She's moving shortly and I won't see her anymore on a daily basis. But, I know that the simple things that she did for me made such a difference in my life that I will now be a better friend to another because of her. I see in her who I want to be to others. And I think that is exactly what the article means to say. Once these acts of kindness affect you, they will affect you in the long term. Once you've personally had an act of kindness make a difference in your life, you too will want to share that with another....it's the true power of good.

It's nice to know that there are little angels around me. That catch me when I fall and help boost me up to where I am supposed to be. When I can't do it all by myself, they do it right alongside me. Not sure what I've done in my life to deserve these people, but I am sure thankful that they are here. The kindnesses that they have shown me, I in turn, want to share with another...keeping that whole circle of good we always talk about, connected.
In love and kindness,


Email Elizabeth & Heather