Tales of a Worn-Down Mom

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

I LOVE that Heather and I get to handle Pass It On, Baby! on a daily basis. It gives us something that is only about helping others and completely allows us to step outside of ourselves, our families, our struggles and give back. But what happens to each of us when you give, give, give and have nothing for yourself? I think this will ring true for many of us mothers out there. I can tell you my story, but like everyone, let's suffice it to say we are busy. There are five of them, activities for each, all sorts of stuff we are involved in. Most of the time, I think that's great. I enjoy it! But, lately, I've been feeling each activity wear on me. The pressure of play dates, appointments, parties, training for a marathon....well, I've been feeling overwhelmed. Feeling like I am doing a pretty poor direction in every arena I turn....from keeping house, to remembering birthdays, writing thank you's, laundry - goodness, the list can go on and on. It wears on my self-esteem and I find myself wondering how everyone else seemingly keeps it all together. Heck, there are many days that just getting in the shower is a fete! :)

But here's the truth.....EVERYONE feels this way at one time or another. Your complaints may not mirror mine, but you get it. We all do. The problem is, once you get it, what do you do? If you keep avoiding the issues, do they go away? I can tell you they don't. Just like any situation in the world, if you don't meet them head on, they'll be there tomorrow and the next day and so on.

As moms, wives, friends, you-name-it, we give. We give to kids, to our significant others, to our extended families, to the schools....but what time is carved out for us? In the past, I've struggled with taking time away from my family because I feel guilty. Being a mom is what I do, so it seemed counterintuitive to take a break from who I am. But recently, I sat down and realized that being a mom may be who I am now, but there was a before that still exists inside me and needs caring for also.

My kids love to go to the park and play, it makes them feel alive and happy. We can all agree that that's great to nurture their little needs and spirits like that. It's when we turn that philosophy on ourselves that we can see how necessary it is for us as adults. When my kiddos don't get to go outside and run some energy down, play with other kids, they get stir crazy. They start misbehaving in the house, they are irritable, and they start to quarrel amongst themselves. Gosh that sounds familiar. When I haven't taken care of myself, I start to get irritable too! I start raising my voice to my kids more often, I feel confined and I find myself irritated at the smallest incidents. Funny how the logic of it all didn't hit me before.

Until very recently, I hadn't put much thought in to how to reenergize myself. At the end of the night after kids were in bed, lunches made, uniforms set out, I was just then starting a whole clean up cycle with laundry and prep for the next day. When all of that was finished, I was turning on some mindless tv just to veg out with my husband. The problem? Because there was no thought process involved, there was no real caring for my spirit, just kind of distracting it. Sometimes, we'd add a glass of wine in to the "relaxation" but still, the next morning as I was making breakfast, I could feel the exhaustion and the lack of energy about being home. That was leading to huge thoughts of failure and what was wrong with me? Here I am home with my kiddos and I'm mindlessly going through the day from one task to another and so on.....instead of enjoying the life I lead. Now I stop here and say I am BETTING that I am not the only one here. Many of us feel the same way from time to time. It's no secret, life is busy and most of us have many obligations and a lot less time for ourselves than what we used to. But the same way that you meet obstacles with your children, with your spouse, with finances - head on -- with a plan, several discussions, whatever - you need to meet caring for yourself in the exact same way.

What did I do? Well, it's hard for me to ask for help. To tell my husband that I really thought I was struggling everywhere and wasn't sure what to do about it. Then I talked to my family and shared how I felt. And you know what, it started to feel a little better as everyone kept saying, "We've ALL been there at one time or another!" And people started coming up with options. There were a few things that happened. First, it was so important to hear that people care. When you feel like you are drowning and you know you do have people to offer a hand - it helps. But in the end, I had to sit down and take a really hard look at myself. I had to look at my schedule and say to myself, "This schedule might not be more than others can handle, but it is more than I can handle." My husband and I also talked about what made us feel re-energized and how to carve out time for each of us in that manner. I had to ask for help where I needed it - whether from my kids, or whomever. We planned date nights, we talked about expectations and cut things out of our schedule. We started saying no to social obligations that overwhelmed instead of re-energized us. In some way, we took back control. We got back to basics.

So - I'm better. I'm taking things a little slower right now and actually making sure that I am present in each moment with the kids instead of just going through the motions. It's a work in progress as we all are, right? But again, I'm not the only one.

If you are like me and want to give back, but sometimes feel like there is nothing for yourself - you know, there is nothing wrong with calling a time out and getting yourself back together. Taking an hour to read instead of doing the laundry. Heading out for a solo shopping trip or a walk or a dinner with friends. Play some music and take a long bath. We need that. We can't take care of others when we aren't caring for ourselves. And likewise, if my children got older and had kids of their own and felt that they had to sacrifice themselves completely for their children - I would feel like I failed. I would feel like I never taught them that you had a two-folded responsibility...one to yourself, another to your kids.

So - its GREAT and IMPORTANT to be kind. Just remember that you need to be kind to yourself before you can be any help to anyone else.

In love and kindness,


Email Elizabeth & Heather

The Right Perspective

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

Today I was watching my favorite TV preacher, Joel Osteen, and he gave such an inspirational message for me that I really thought that everyone could benefit from such a message. It was all about having the "Right Perspective" in life.

Sometimes it becomes a little too easy for us as people to focus on the obstacles or challenges we may be facing or the things in life that we don't have. It can be easy to take for granted what we do have like our family, friends, job, opportunity, our health. We really need to start practicing to appreciate the gift of today. The reason we don't is because our perspective is off. If you were to put two people in the same situation or the same circumstances - one would be just getting through by enduring but another would be enjoying. The only difference between the two people is perspective. It's all in how they choose to see the situation.

Don't let the obstacles of today take away your bliss. Don't let the focus on the things you don't have to take away your joy. It's truly a choice in perspective. The foundation for a happy life is having a grateful spirit. The seeds of discouragement can not take root in a grateful heart. If you are feeling discouraged, or not happy with what is going on in life the solution is to start feeling grateful and to focus on the things that you do have - not what you don't have. Even if it's a lost job, lost relationship, ill health, etc. - it's all a matter of perspective.

There was a story about a man who complained about not having any shoes til he met a man that didn't have any feet. After that, his perspective changed. He decided that maybe it wasn't so bad not to have shoes. The truth of the matter is that somebody would LOVE to have your life! You have a roof over your head, you have food to eat, you have a job, you have your health, you have AC in your home, you have more than so many others! Be thankful for what you do have. Because so many others have less than you.

If you need to spark a grateful spirit - make a list of at least a dozen things that you are grateful for and put it somewhere you will look at it several times a day. When did something work out for you when you were sure it would not, when were you at the right place at the right time, when were you protected from an accident or bad situation, do you have healthy children, the ability to see or hear or think or move. When you have the right perspective, you release a sense of faith and a knowing that everything will work out.

If your perspective is off and you need to get an enthusiasm back for life - even amongst the mundane life routines - being thankful will spark a new happiness. It's all in your mind. Your life will follow your thoughts. Life is precious and fragile - it can easily be gone in a blink of an eye. Let's not waste any part of this gift of today or any other day being negative. When the obstacles come, re-read your list and shift your focus back to being grateful.

I don't HAVE to go to work - I GET to go to work. I don't HAVE to take care of these kids - I GET to take care of these kids. When tough times arrive and linger - remember this too shall pass. Atleast I am still alive. If you have your health, you have something that some people would pay billions of dollars for. Appreciate the simple things. I can dress myself, I can feed myself, I can see, taste, smell, touch. I can walk, I can work, I can breathe.

If you are having trouble sleeping - remember those who don't even have a bed.
If you are stuck in traffic - remember those who don't have a car.
If you are having a bad day at the office - remember those who don't have a job.
If your hair is turning gray - appreciate that you have hair. :)

If you are having a difficult time finding things to appreciate - think about the following:
1 million people per week die - you are still alive.
If you have a roof over your head - you are better off than 75% of the world's population.
If you have $15 - you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthiest people.

I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends. For the taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed. For the clothes that fit a little to snug becuase it means I have enough to eat. For my shadow who watches me at work because it means that I am out in the sunshine. For the lawn that needs mowing, the windows that need cleaning, the gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home. For all the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have freedom of speech. For the space I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means that I am capable of walking. For the huge heating bill because it means I am warm. For the lady behind me in church, who sings off key, because it means that I can hear. For the piles of laundry and ironing because it means that I have clothes to wear. For the aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I'm alive.

It's all a matter of perspective - all in how we choose to see our experience, our life. How will you choose to see your day today? Hopefully with the right perspective. We all have something to be thankful for even amidst difficult times.

In love and kindness,

Email Elizabeth and Heather

"I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends"

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

Like everyone, there are times when you begin questioning where you are headed. Does what Heather and I do make a difference? Does it make enough of a difference? Are we crazy to think we were going to be able to manage this on top of our families and all our other responsibilities ? Because, at times, I lose focus. Sometimes I worry about helping enough people....sometimes I worry about sustaining it all. Sometimes I simply feel selfish and self-pitying and well, you get the idea....

So lately, I've been that way. Having a pity party for one...feeling bad about how little time there is to get everything done....(can you hear the tantrum, now?) and just going through the motions without getting myself centered and remembering what this is all about. But, I'm lucky in that there is something bigger than me that is letting me know that this is what I am supposed to be doing. To be putting something out in the world, to be bettering myself along the way and learning a lot about the person who I want to be when all is said and done. So when I lose focus, when I start attending the daily pity party, something happens to let me know that I am where I am supposed to be. Today, that something is this article....and the reflections I had when thinking about the people in my life who bless it everyday. Sometimes, we all "get by with a little help from our friends."

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=114394 - take a minute to read it. It speaks to the power of acts of kindness and the fact that with each one that we are influencing our world, our future....pretty powerful stuff.

I think it's true....something like an act of kindness can change you. I've been going through something similar with a friend of mine. I only met her about six months ago but we have little girls the same age and have many of the same interests. We've spent some significant time together with our girls activities, with running together, etc. We became close pretty quick. Now, I've always looked at myself as a good friend, but she is the type of person that by her actions makes me want to be a better friend. When she is out at the grocery store, if she thinks I might like something, she picks it up. If she is making something for her daughter and thinks my daughter might look cute in it, she makes a second one. If I mention that I am losing focus in training for my marathon, she offers to come and run with me. If she knows that I am stressed on any particular day, she'll offer to watch the kids so I can get myself together. Now, I have a few amazing friends. My bestie will help me with anything (she basically helps me throw every kids party I have back home) and we have the luxury of having known each other for fifteen plus years, but unfortunately, living far apart, we don't get to see each other and talk on a daily basis. My new friend has taught me how to be a good friend on a daily basis.

She's moving shortly and I won't see her anymore on a daily basis. But, I know that the simple things that she did for me made such a difference in my life that I will now be a better friend to another because of her. I see in her who I want to be to others. And I think that is exactly what the article means to say. Once these acts of kindness affect you, they will affect you in the long term. Once you've personally had an act of kindness make a difference in your life, you too will want to share that with another....it's the true power of good.

It's nice to know that there are little angels around me. That catch me when I fall and help boost me up to where I am supposed to be. When I can't do it all by myself, they do it right alongside me. Not sure what I've done in my life to deserve these people, but I am sure thankful that they are here. The kindnesses that they have shown me, I in turn, want to share with another...keeping that whole circle of good we always talk about, connected.
In love and kindness,


Email Elizabeth & Heather

Making the best of what you have...

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

Both Elizabeth and I sometimes have LOTS to say or to relay or share within our own personal experiences and other times not. Like she said last week, I am struggling with what to write. I normally have plenty to write or speak about depending on what's been going on in my life but not sure how to share what I've been experiencing or share it in a way that relates to Pass It On, Baby!

I own my own company and times were very very good for the first 5-6 months out of the year. Then, the freelance ended, a promise of a new job, waiting around and then here we are a little over 3 months later. Although business is starting to pickup again and another freelance project will be starting in October and another client coming on board in October, that leaves me figuring out how to float my family for the next few weeks. And of course, right now - everything is hitting all at once. 

My 2 year-old started his first day of Mother's Day Out today and albeit is was SUPER exciting - I struggled with how to do all the things for him that I had always wanted to do. New clothes for school, new things to take that he needs, haircuts, etc. I wanted to make a big deal of it. But our finances definitely put a huge limitation on that. I also have a wedding that I will be in at the beginning of October and although I am very excited for my friend and for going on a destination wedding - it couldn't have come at a worse time. Right in the middle of a drought for my company. 

Although I have so many expectations for what I want to experience and how - I came across this quote the other day that really hit home for me. 

"The happiest people don't always have the best of everything, they just make the best with everything they have."

This really made me think about Cade's experience for school. He was going to enjoy it either way, it was me that was struggling with the expectations that I had placed on what I wanted to experience. I didn't have to buy him anything new for him to enjoy the first day of school. As hard it was for me to realize, I knew that it was about what I did with the day and how I created it without all the "stuff" that I felt was important. I did get Cade 1 new shirt for the first day but nothing crazy - just inexpensive but cute. He didn't get a new haircut (although he still needs one). He wore his hat to school that he loves. I made his lunch with TLC and we talked for a couple of days before about how exciting it would be. My way of handling it I know affected how he experienced it. If I had been down in the dumps about not meeting all my expectations - he may not have been as excited or felt the same way about going. 

The same for everything in my life right now. I guess there are cycles in life for just about everything - including money. I have so many expectations in my mind about how I want to experience something and a lot of becomes dependent on how much or how little money I have and how good or not good that experience will be. 

For the wedding I am attending, it's been the same. I like to go over the top with gifts and have specialty items made that are personalized just for that person. I had wanted to do all the same things for my friend getting married but soon realized that I couldn't spend the same as in the past but I can do a lot for a little. I can put the same love into a gift even if it's not super expensive or what I had envisioned - it still came from the heart and she will hopefully feel that and appreciate it. 

So my lesson for this time in my life where money isn't necessarily flowing in abundances - is that it's not that I have to have the best but am I doing the best with what I have? Most of the time yes, but I definitely need to be reminded of this quote more often. So I will be putting this on my facebook status today as well as Pass It On, Baby!'s as a reminder to me and to all of us. 

And for Cade - his day went fantastic. He was super excited to put on his backpack and go to school. Although he quickly decided he didn't want to carry it.

Drop off was easy and tear free. He just played with the teacher and a new classmate and didn't seem bothered we were leaving.

And when we came to pick him up, to our surprise he was sleeping so soundly. It was adorable and truly amazing!

Here was to a great day making the best with what we had!

In love and kindness,

Email Elizabeth and Heather

"The Days are Long, The Years are Short"

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

Today, I guess I don't have much to say. I usually have plenty to say, especially when it comes to Pass It On, Baby! but not this evening. My mind is elsewhere. My kids go back to school tomorrow morning. Three of them. My preschooler starts a little later. But, I am sad about it and missing the time I had with them. Wondering if I did enough this summer with them, missing the constant interaction....all of it. Now, that's not to say that we didn't start to feel the lack of structure the last few weeks and I seemed to become a referee much more than I would have liked, but it's more change, and that - I just don't do so well with.

My oldest son is a freshman in high school tomorrow. I could tell you all about his preschool years, though, they seemed like yesterday. And they flew by. I'm trying to fight the thoughts that I've raised him for 14 years now and that I only have 4 more with him before he goes off to college. It's a frightening thought. We worry if we've taught him enough, loved him enough, given him the tools he will need in this world. And my husband just keeps telling me that we are a work in progress and doing the best that we can. That there will be bumps along the road, mistakes we will make and that as long as you pull them close, provide security, teach them all you know, that they will come out ok.

I guess that's true for a lot of things. The same certainly can be said for our Pass It On, Baby! We learn as we go. We make mistakes, we try our hardest, but we build it with love and caring and I guess that's all we can do.

Am I the parent I wish I were every day? No.... But by the same token, I'm not anything every single day of my life. The days I'm the best parent, I'm usually not as available as a friend. The days I'm an awesome friend, I'm probably less of a great daughter or my house is less clean, etc. Some days I'm the best I can be, other days I'm that work in progress that I was talking about. And for me, that has to be ok. I have to forgive myself and keep moving forward. It's all this delicate balancing act. No one can be everything at every moment of every day.

So tomorrow I'll wake up with my goals of what I want to accomplish with my kiddos, my ideas of how to most help with Pass It On, Baby!, where I personally want to grow as a person, who I want to be as a wife. One thing is for sure, I won't be able to do all those things at once in any short period of time. They will be goals I will hold for the rest of my life.

If you find yourself down about any aspect of your life, the beautiful thing about it all is that it's never too late to change. If the end result is too overwhelming, take the first step. You don't have to do everything, you just have to do something.

Tomorrow morning, we'll be up early in our home for a family breakfast. Talking about the year ahead, squeezing out the last little bit of sacred family time together. This year won't be perfect on any of our parts either, but it will be special all the same...and we will continue to grow as people and as a family. And really, isn't it all about the journey in the end anyway? =)

In love and kindness,


Email Elizabeth & Heather

Our growing community...

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

As Elizabeth wrote in our last blog, we have been inundated by requests from so many families in just the past few weeks looking for a "hand-up" with providing their children with clothing. We have also received some new donors as well looking to help in any way they can. However, right now - the need definitely outweighs what we have in donations. We know that many families would be happy to help if the shipping cost wasn't there.

That's why we are focusing our attention right now on how to create some sort of income or money so Pass It On, Baby! can start covering the shipping. We are working on this in a couple of different ways.

1 - We are up for a grant! YEAH!!! However, that means us filing for our 501c and finally getting our tax exempt status. This is not as easy as it may seem. There are CPA fees and lawyer fees and filing fees, etc. And Elizabeth and I do all of this with our own time and family money when needed. So, keep your prayers coming that everything will line up for us to receive this grant so we can ship SO many more boxes to families! Plus, this new status will just open up so many more doors for PIOB!

2 - We are working with Blogher. We need you to continue viewing our blogs! We earn a small amount of money for each 1,000 page views we receive each month. The money is minimal but it could help to pay for a box to be shipped. Please continue going to our blog site to read our blogs or just to stop by for us even if you are seeing us on Facebook.

3 - Reaching out to you and your network. Do you or someone you know feel a little extra blessed this month? Do you want to help a family in need but don't have the right sizes or maybe you don't even have kids? Maybe you would like to pay for a box to be shipped by donating $15 (the cost to ship parcel post a medium sized box of clothes). Many families want to donate clothes but just don't have the funds. You could help by donating through our Pay Pal right on our site.

As we continue to fill requests and match up our wonderful donors that we do have with those in need, both Elizabeth and I know that we are meant to fill a need in the world. So many of you have told us how much of a blessing our charity is for you and your family or for the families we help. We know that we must continue to move forward at a pace we can sustain so we can help more people.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers for receiving this grant, share our facebook page with friends, share our blog with those you know and thank you from the bottom of our hearts for continuing to share our message.

Here's to helping change the world - one box at a time!

In love and kindness,

Email Elizabeth and Heather

My Worries....

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

How I do I begin this blog? How do I tell each and every one of you thank you for spreading the word, sending people our way, sending us heart-warming messages and truly caring? On the flip side, how do I share with all those how badly people are hurting right now. Not to make you feel badly, but just so you know....because we all should be aware.

These days, every day brings some notes filled with sadness intermixed with many wanting to ease the burdens where they can. There are some mornings that I don't want to respond, because it seems uncertain that we will be able to get ALL these kiddos matched up. And it worries and saddens me...

It's strange in a way because most days when I read these notes, I can FEEL the hopelessness, the desperation, the fear in people's voices that we hear from. Many of them are at the end of their ropes. And in many ways, it weighs on me and I'm sure Heather as well. It reminds me of a conversation that I had years ago with a dear friend who felt that she was called to volunteer in a pediatric cancer ward. It was nothing that she ever bragged about, but something that she shared when I was dealing with my second son being hospitalized for the second time with the RSV virus. They had run out of rooms on the floor that he should have been placed on and so they had moved him to the floor where many of the longer-term children with life-threatening illnesses were. I can still recall walking the hospital floors with a sick feeling in my stomach, very confident that my son would be leaving and recovering and that many would not. It felt awful. And so in talking with her about the feelings, she shared that she volunteered at a similar ward. I was floored. I immediately protested and asked her how she was able to do it....to not cry constantly while she was among the children and the parents, how she left it at the hospital and didn't bring it home with her, how it didn't scare her to have children knowing they could get sick too.... She was quiet, and simply responded, "If I didn't do it, who would?"

Now, that's not to say that there are MANY, MANY people out there doing good and helping along children and moms just like us, but the statement gives me a lot of power and strength to refocus and deal.

And, let me take a moment in the same breath to talk to those that are struggling. I KNOW that when you have no money and bill collectors are calling, kids need stuff that you can't imagine how you are going to afford, choices being made between food and bills and that there is not even any money left over for fun that it seems hopeless. That is seems unfair. That getting up the next morning is a struggle. But it's for a purpose. While you are going to work day after day trying to make ends meet, little eyes are watching you. Knowing that you are doing your damndest to make sure that they don't do without, even if it means that you do. That there is a point to this existence, and even if it seems that your burdens are too much to bear, that you need to keep going and still find a way to look at the positive. If your children are doing without and so are you, it still might be worse. If they are healthy, there is your positive. Every rich mother in a hospital praying for her child's life would switch places with you in a minute, no questions asked.

On the flip side, and PLEASE don't take this as judgment....those that have enough, can you make a small sacrifice to help someone directly? If you drink Starbucks once or twice a week, can you make that sacrifice for a few weeks to influence a child's life? You too have little eyes watching. Our children become, in many ways, what we give them the opportunity to become.

You know we all get so wrapped up in pursuit of this nice life. The nice house, the perfect decorations, the kids dressed so cute....but if you turn your back to your fellow man, is it worth it? If you sacrifice yourself in the midst of the accumulation of all this stuff, what's it for?

I do not sit in judgment of anyone, because I have been the mom who thinks I've done enough, I need to worry about my own kids now or my own family. The truth is, when I say that statement and think about the people that have affected the world the most: Jesus, Mother Teresa, Buddha, Ghandi, St. Francis of Assisi, etc...(take your pick)..I am embarrassed, because that is certainly not what we are really supposed to be doing. We are supposed to help until it feels inconvenient or uncomfortable. We are supposed to help however you can, in any way you can.

So....Heather and I are doing our best. Most days. Like everyone, we have days where we aren't sure in which way to head, and days where it seems impossible. But for each of us as a member of this community -- if we don't, who will?

Many more than you imagine are in need. We have received requests in the last few weeks that rival our entire requests from the prior year. Times are hard, and many are feeling the pinch in ways you probably can't imagine....Search your heart. How can you help? Can you directly? Can you reach out to someone else? Do you know someone who has a company and is planning on adopting families for Christmas - would they consider Pass It On, Baby? Have you thought of something that we haven't?

But most of all....get down to the level we all used to be at. When we were all little and someone in preschool had many cookies and another had none, what were we taught? We were told to share, to spread kindness, to ease sadness.....sometimes we forget that simple lesson on how the world works best.

In love and kindness,


Email Elizabeth & Heather