Today, I guess I don't have much to say. I usually have plenty to say, especially when it comes to Pass It On, Baby! but not this evening. My mind is elsewhere. My kids go back to school tomorrow morning. Three of them. My preschooler starts a little later. But, I am sad about it and missing the time I had with them. Wondering if I did enough this summer with them, missing the constant interaction....all of it. Now, that's not to say that we didn't start to feel the lack of structure the last few weeks and I seemed to become a referee much more than I would have liked, but it's more change, and that - I just don't do so well with.
My oldest son is a freshman in high school tomorrow. I could tell you all about his preschool years, though, they seemed like yesterday. And they flew by. I'm trying to fight the thoughts that I've raised him for 14 years now and that I only have 4 more with him before he goes off to college. It's a frightening thought. We worry if we've taught him enough, loved him enough, given him the tools he will need in this world. And my husband just keeps telling me that we are a work in progress and doing the best that we can. That there will be bumps along the road, mistakes we will make and that as long as you pull them close, provide security, teach them all you know, that they will come out ok.
I guess that's true for a lot of things. The same certainly can be said for our Pass It On, Baby! We learn as we go. We make mistakes, we try our hardest, but we build it with love and caring and I guess that's all we can do.
Am I the parent I wish I were every day? No.... But by the same token, I'm not anything every single day of my life. The days I'm the best parent, I'm usually not as available as a friend. The days I'm an awesome friend, I'm probably less of a great daughter or my house is less clean, etc. Some days I'm the best I can be, other days I'm that work in progress that I was talking about. And for me, that has to be ok. I have to forgive myself and keep moving forward. It's all this delicate balancing act. No one can be everything at every moment of every day.
So tomorrow I'll wake up with my goals of what I want to accomplish with my kiddos, my ideas of how to most help with Pass It On, Baby!, where I personally want to grow as a person, who I want to be as a wife. One thing is for sure, I won't be able to do all those things at once in any short period of time. They will be goals I will hold for the rest of my life.
If you find yourself down about any aspect of your life, the beautiful thing about it all is that it's never too late to change. If the end result is too overwhelming, take the first step. You don't have to do everything, you just have to do something.
Tomorrow morning, we'll be up early in our home for a family breakfast. Talking about the year ahead, squeezing out the last little bit of sacred family time together. This year won't be perfect on any of our parts either, but it will be special all the same...and we will continue to grow as people and as a family. And really, isn't it all about the journey in the end anyway? =)
In love and kindness,
Email Elizabeth & Heather
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