It seems like that during this transition in season, me and my family are also undergoing some transitions in life. I have new career opportunities in my path, we are finally starting to get ahold of how to budget our money, my 22 month-old is transitioning from a baby to a toddler, my marriage is evolving into a more communicative - more expressive relationship, and even my sisters and extended family are under going some positive changes as well. It seems like there is change all around me.
If you were to know me, you'd know that I don't necessarily do change all that well. I have been one to resist change due to fear. Fear that the change wouldn't turn out the way that I would want. Or that my expectations wouldn't be met. I have a really hard time with that. My expectations that is.
I expect everything to go according to the little plan I have so carefully thought out in my head. I believe that my life or experience or situation will be perfect if it could only go like "THIS"... However, life has a funny of way of showing up and teaching you a thing or two about planning.
One example is that I have been contracting on a job for a couple of months now. Now I expected to have only a few weeks at this job and with my crazy schedule of teaching fitness classes, running my marketing consulting business, Pass It On, Baby!, and being a wife and mother - I thought for sure I couldn't keep up with that kind of schedule for more than a few weeks. However, 3 months later, this job has turned out to a more long-term contract position and now quite possibly a full-time job. I have been feeling so lost and confused as to what to do with schedule since in my mind - this job would be over by now and I would go back to the schedule I had before this. But life had a different plan. I am not complaining because the money has been great and we are finally getting things back on track. However, I am going to have to decide here at some point how to release other things in my life and keep the balance. My expectations may not have been met but it has definitely worked out in my favor if I can only start releasing things off my plate. That's hard to do with my "you can do it all" mentality.
Another perfect example of my inability to release expectations is when other people get involved. Like our dinner and evening with my father-in-law and the family. I expect for the things to run smooth, people know where to be and at what time, as well as a time schedule (cause you know I have a 22 month-old and we have to keep schedules for the most part), and how our evening will go. I started having a difficult time when the family couldn't figure out where we should eat, what time we were meeting, who all could meet us there, and what plans we would have afterwards. I started to feel flustered and chaotic. Definitely not my cup of tea. But as my husband so gently reminded me that I can't control everything and sometimes I need to go with the flow. I couldn't allow myself to relax and enjoy our time together because I was so frustrated that my expectations of the evening weren't being met. Once my husband had gently nudged me to be aware of how I was being, I realized it and tried to take a deep breath to relax. Doing my best to enjoy the moment for what it was and not create this perfect idea in my head. What was meant to happen was happening - I had the choice to enjoy it or be miserable. By the end of the evening, I was relaxed and enjoying the interaction of the family and the kids instead of desperately trying to control the moment.
I say all of this only because I truly believe that the student is also the teacher. As I learn (as we all learn), we should share with those who are willing to listen about our experiences in bettering ourselves as you never know how it may impact another.
I know that I have a lot to learn and practice about having less expectations. I know that I will be less unhappy and more likely to enjoy life if I can stop expecting things to be a certain way. Now it doesn't mean that I won't still make a plan but it does mean that I need to start being more flexible when that plan takes a turn and know that it is exactly the way it was intended to be.
Here is a quote that really helped to solidify this releasing expectations for me. "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get." ~ Dale Carnegie
May you know the exact reason you've read this today and how it can impact your own life.
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In love and kindness,
My friend told me she heard Michael J. Fox interviewed on NPR this week and he said that our level of happiness is directly related to the expectations we place on ourselves. I think that's true. Everyday I feel like my "to-do" list becomes my "things I didn't do" list and I feel like a failure.
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