The last few days have been a bit difficult for me as my younger sister who lives in a different state has been struggling with her personal life. She is a single mother of 2 beautiful kids - Kalyn 8 and Frankie 7. You would never know that these kids have had to struggle through life, have had several male figures around and have even had to endure a shelter at one point.
Me being the older sister - I am always one that is quick to jump in and save the day. I have provided countless calling cards, co-signed for credit cards that never have been paid, given several hundreds of dollars as needed and have emotionally drained myself at times in hopes to help save the moment, the day, the situation - whatever it may be.
Not to get into to much detail about my family history but my sister never had it all that easy. She had some behavioral problems as a teen. My mom and step-dad were divorced when she was young, then my mom left, her dad eventually put her in a children's home, she struggled with her obesity and things just continued in her life to get worse over time. She became pregnant at a very young age with a man that wasn't able to provide for her and her family. He was incarcerated for quite some time. She had to learn how to do things on her own and luckily our family was able to support her. Her self-esteem has never been good and she has battled with "daddy" issues her whole life. I feel for my sister as life has rarely ever given her a break. Currently she finds herself pregnant again with another man that is not so good, and because of him is in a situation where she may lose her children. Luckily my mother is able to take the kids indefinitely until my sister is able to sort things out.
I tell you all this because I have struggled with how to help her for many years. I can not change the past experiences that have shaped her life and her decisions. I can not change the fact that our mom left and then her dad left her as well. I can not change that she chose bad men or that she had kids at a young age. I can not change her or her life. I can only change the way I respond to her and love her. I have tried countless "talking" sessions over the phone as she wasn't in a position to afford counseling. I thought if she could only talk this out with someone who won't judge her actions but will only help her view herself differently and work through her pain - then maybe she can overcome.
My soul wants to swoop in and save everything. Give her money, counseling, workout/eating plans, parenting skills, etc to help her achieve the life I know she wants and deserves. But I have to remember that the teacher can and will only appear when the student is ready. My intervening trying to guide her and tell her how to live her life may only make it harder for God to move in during her darkest hour and help guide her through. I can not deny her that. As long as my niece and nephew are safe and well taken care of - I have to let her go on her own path. I can provide the help if she wants it but unfortunately the only help that she really needs that can change her life is understanding her purpose - understanding how she "feels" everyday is the most important thing - understanding that the "energy" she creates for herself in her home affects her and her children - understanding that the most important things in life are health, wealth and happiness and from that foundation will stem everything life has to offer her.
It's difficult for me to sit back. I have to help in a way that is healthy for me and my family as well as it is for her. Sometimes the road to enlightenment is filled with many rock bottoms - but if I try to save it or fix it. I may not allow the entire lesson that God has in store to be learned.
I know many of us in this community may be in similar situations to either me or my sister. The helper can only help when the person is ready and willing. We have to help in ways that we can without intervening. Sometimes God wants to help by just loving and praying for them at a distance. If you relate more with my sister - life hasn't given you many breaks - seek out the support of a "teacher" when you are ready. Someone who can help guide you to heal the pain inside so you can start feeling every day the way life was intended to be lived. With high, loving, happy energy every day - no matter the circumstances. We start by just learning to love ourselves, love our past, appreciate what life has taught us and be willing to move forward with an openness to learn, attract and obtain our purpose.
Sorry for my soap box today. This has been heavy on my heart the last couple of days and I feel it so cathartic to use this forum to release my own feelings and emotions. Thank you for allowing me share.
In love & kindness,