Thinking and Sharing....

Please note: If this is your first time visiting our blog, please click here to hear the premise of Pass It On, Baby! and how it all began.... Pass It On, Baby!

I had a random occurence that happened to me last week that I just haven't been able to get out of my head. So, I thought I'd share it - because I think it points out some of the trickiness associated with giving and helping and really kindness all around. I was at a card and stationary store recently picking up some gift items for birthday parties that my kids were headed to. When I got to the register, there was a woman who appeared to be somewhat frazzled and a little frantic checking out at the register next to me. I proceeded to be rung up and was taking out my money to pay when she leans over and says, "Hey - do you have a quarter?" I reached over and handed her one, she thanked me repeatedly, finished her transaction and left the store. Likewise, I went back to my transaction. The moment the woman who had taken the quarter from me left the store, the woman behind the register asked if I knew her. I said no, but that she obviously had something going on and I joked about buying myself some good karma. The woman behind the register was in disbelief...she asked me again - you don't know her at all? I said no. She proceeded to call over the woman from the other checkout counter and explain the situation. They both apologized several times and as I left the store, were still shaking their heads at how someone would have the "audacity" to do that.

The situation struck me as weird....and I'm not talking about the woman asking for a quarter. I'm talking about how shocked the women behind the counter were. Who hasn't been in a situation where you are paying in cash and you realize that you are a few cents short? What a great world it would be if your neighbor didn't mind giving you a hand without thinking twice....But the truth is that they were apologetic and surprised because there are unspoken rules on giving and how you can give.

Lately there has been a lot of focus on helping Haiti and at the same time I've read a lot of backlash talking about all those in need in the United States who go without help in the same extent. I personally think giving in any form is wonderful, but as I listen to those who take issue with the extent of help, I hear their message too. When some catastrophic event happens, personal stories of horrific, unimaginable events leak out. We hear those stories, know that we have little capacity to relate and choose to help - because we can't believe what others have been through and don't want them to suffer any more anguish. It's amazing and truly shows that people are good. In events like the Haitian disaster, celebrities banded together, news outlets continuously covered these stories and people opened their hearts. It was clear that we COULD make a difference and did in some way. And we knew how to recognize that need. It was clearly identified and we knew exactly how we could make a difference.

The need in some of our own backyards is less clear. The paths is less clearly labeled and the stories are not always shared. So, there is a different reaction to the need. I do believe that people are good....I do believe that if we heard each and every heart-breaking tale of children going hungry in the US or children without clothing - it would pull at our heartstrings in much the same way. But we aren't going to....if you walk by a homeless person on the streets of a major city, you won't know their story. You'll have to fight to hold back any prejudice that flows in that makes you doubt their motives, or their capabilities. You'll have to choose to help because its another human being and they need it. You'll have to make the choice not to allow yourself to be jaded and just help out.

See, in my opinion, there is an undertone of blame for people in need in our own backyards. You know - "why can't they get a job - I have to." Or, "if they need help, they can start by helping themselves." We make these judgements that those in need have made bad decisions and therefore find themselves in that exact position....But - I'm thinking we need to challenge ourselves in there moments and think them through and decide exactly what person we want to be in this lifetime. So -- let's take me for instance and talk about how quickly I could be one of those people in need.... I have a college degree and prior to raising children full-time, had a challenging career in Finance with a Fortune 500. I volunteer and I save..you know, the stuff that they tell you to. =) But, as a stay-at-home mom, all of my ability to provide for my family comes from my husband. He works so that I can stay home. I'm fortunate to have a loving and happy relationship with my husband, but what if in an instant, something changed in our relationship and he was gone. What if he no longer provided for us? Many would say, well - you'd have to get a job. Yes, I would. But I also have five children and with my being out of the workforce for the past 6+ years, it would be tough to find a job paying more than what I made prior to leaving my career. I would need to find daycare for one, preschool for two and afterschool care for all five. We'd be upon tough times pretty quickly. We'd be lucky enough to have family support, which many don't....but on one lesser paying salary than what we have currently, it wouldn't be long before I'd have to question my ability to keep my house...and so you get it.

The point is, cast aside your judgements. Remember that feeling whether you helped with Haiti or 9/11, Habitat for Humanity, the soup kitchen - you name it. You can have it in your life on an ongoing basis. If you haven't had it - seek it. You will probably find that you end up gaining more yourself that those in need gain from you. Just remember that "life is the journey between who you were, and who you were meant to be."

So in a nutshell - this is why Heather and I run Pass It On, Baby! because there are so many who need so much and it sure helps a lot if everyone does a little....((hugs))

In love and kindness,


Email Elizabeth & Heather