Stumbling Through Reality

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I’m not even sure how to begin this post. I feel so embarrassed and the last thing I wanted to do was share this occurrence. But, I guess I feel that if I can get this out, maybe I can just move on with a clear conscience.

I feel like a fraud….

This entire blog is dedicated to kindness, charity and giving back. If you’ve read any of my entries, you get it and I don’t even need to go any further. Anyhow, here’s how it all began….

I am leaving for vacation this weekend with my family. We are so excited just to spend time together at the ocean. My extended family all rents homes in the same vacation spot this particular week, so it is not only a vacation, but sort of a family reunion too. I just love it, look forward to it every year and love the tradition of the family reunion/vacation at the shore that I have been raised on, that my parents were raised on and now that my own children are raised on. Needless to say, packing my kids, my husband and myself for the week takes a week in itself. Monday, the true pressure started as the date is quickly approaching, so like a million moms that morning, I took my kids to Target for some essentials. Everything was going well until I tempted fate and decided to try on a swimsuit. Since you can’t bring carts in the dressing room, I unbuckled my two little ones (3 and 1) and took them in to the dressing room. That was the beginning of the end. Having their freedom, they started to run around the dressing room, open the door while I was getting dressed – it escalated so fast that I abandoned the idea of trying on anything and headed straight to check out. By now, they were out of their seats, flailing around and I was doing mental exercises to keep myself calm and smiling. (which by the way, wasn’t working) I got them out to the car, got everyone buckled in and felt the relief wash over me. I just had to feed them lunch and put them down for naps and everything would be back on track. I could handle another five minutes in melt-down mode.

I pulled out of the parking lot and saw some people standing on one of the grassy medians. As I got closer, I could tell that there were two adults and two children…and they were holding a sign. It was one of those cardboard signs that read, “Family In Need.” My heart broke. I checked my purse and didn’t have any cash on me. At the same time, my kids were still melting down. I started to panic. I felt like this was one of those tests in life to prove your true character and here I was coming up completely empty. I started to think about where the nearest ATM was…my mind was racing so fast I wasn’t even thinking about simply asking them what they needed. The nearest ATM I could think of was about two miles in the opposite direction. I didn’t know what to do and by this time I was very close to them. I gestured that I didn’t have any cash on me and drove away. After I passed them and happened on the ATM, I turned in only to have the meltdown increase. I promised myself that I would circle back later on, but the day just got away from me. That was three days ago and writing these words literally has me sick to my stomach. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about them in the last few days or envisioned those kids standing next to their mom and dad.

And so, as I started all of this…..I feel like a FRAUD.


I don’t have any of the answers. I am trying just like you to be better, to make the right choices, to make the world a little better – but I’m making some big mistakes as I go and I have no idea on how to resolve them.

Anyhow, I feel sick. There are so many people in the world needing help, at times it feels overwhelming. I don’t know what you do about this each and every day. I have no answers. I guess the answer is that we each do our best and hope that it is good enough. Hope that when you total them all together it makes a difference.

In love and kindness,

Email Elizabeth & Heather